How to prepare your older child for the new baby's arrival

The arrival of a new little one is a magical event for a family. But for the older child, the arrival of a little brother or sister can be hard to accept. Several feelings may surface: joy, sadness, jealousy, pride.. So here are the keys to preparing your children well for baby's arrival.

How do you tell your older child you're pregnant?

A pregnancy, although sometimes difficult, is a happy event! So for your child to see it that way, be positive when you share the news. It is also best for the news to be announced by the parents and not by someone else.

When you tell them, use simple words so they clearly understand what is happening. Your child may not react straight away; they may need time to take it in. If they show no interest in the news, there is no point insisting for now. They will come back to you later. Your child may also be very excited by the news and bombard you with questions, some of them disconcerting. So be ready to answer them!

When it comes to timing, there is no real rule, although most parents think it best to wait about 3 months before telling them, to avoid disappointment if something goes wrong, as the risk of miscarriage is higher before then.

A pregnancy is loooooooong for a child. To give them an idea of the date, try using landmarks that mean something to them (around Christmas, during the summer holidays…).

How do you find out what they think about it?

Sometimes it can be hard to know what your older child thinks about baby's arrival. They don't really express themselves, find it hard to share their emotions, withdraw into themselves… Don't panic, it's common! To try to understand them, a few tips can work. First of all, communication. You can take the time to explain to your child what is happening and the happiness it brings you, while reminding them that they are still your child just as before. To find out how they feel, you can ask them questions. Let them express themselves, even if it is to voice their displeasure.

What's more, opening up to them will probably help them open up too. If that doesn't work, you can try drawing, for example. Asking them to draw their family will show you where they place themselves and where they place the baby. You will then know whether they feel left out, whether they reject the baby or whether, on the contrary, they are imagining a close-knit family.

How do you help them accept this big change?

This upheaval can be good news or bad news for your child. They may be delighted to have a new friend to play with and teach lots of things to. But they may also see it as a competition and develop feelings of jealousy. They then wonder what place they'll have in your heart compared with this new baby.

To help them understand and accept this change, you can read them books on the subject (there are lots of books suited to different ages). Then, to show them the important role they have, involving them in the choices made to prepare for baby's arrival can be a good approach. They can help choose the baby's comforter, decorate the nursery or suggest baby names. Or, when the bump is nice and round, letting them touch it and listen to the baby can help create a bond. Once the baby is born, involving them in little tasks can help them take their role to heart. They'll feel grown-up and proud to look after their little brother or sister. However, don't force them to take part. This could frustrate them and make them reject the baby.

To prevent the older child from feeling left out, it's good for the parents to set aside some time every day that is devoted entirely to them. Finally, praising them and showing them that they have their place will help them feel accepted within the family.

You now have all our tips to help the older ones take this news well.

Dylan
Proud dad of three little ones and founder of Premiers Moments. Together with the whole team, I share our parenting tips here to support you, from pregnancy through your child's first years.